Bringing Sexy Back

(Continued…) an article from, 7 Relationship Mistakes Even the Smartest Couples Make, provides us with the seven most common blunders we make once we are married or become settled in our relationships.

Mistake # 3: Not Having Enough Sex

The says 60% of newlyweds surveyed were already in a sex rut. However, the more research I did the more I found it to be practically inevitable and it’s not as bad as you think it is.  According to sexual health expert, Dr. Laura Berman, newlyweds may feel that their sex lives have slowed down, but they are still having more sex than single people and the sex is more varied. (Something to keep in mind when you start daydreaming of greener pastures. Were you really having that much sex when you were single?  Was it really that great? Really?)

The Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University compiled statistics from 5,865 people. “An average of 61 percent of singles claimed they hadn’t had sex within the past year, compared with 18 percent of married people.”

So, not all is lost. This could be a good opportunity to challenge yourself…think outside the box. (Still considering the ‘box’ of course.) Two things we are not supposed to do: think that we are the only ones going through it and compare ourselves to other couples.

I remember when my friend, Cara, was just starting a relationship. She and her boyfriend couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. I told her to enjoy it because it’s almost impossible to keep things going at that rate. She didn’t believe me, “I think it’s just how we are.” All I could do was smile and quietly nod as though I knew something she didn’t — like she was my little girl and she was going to have to go through puberty, but she didn’t think it would happen to her. It’s just a natural progression. Now, Cara and I joke about our sex lives and reminisce about “the way we were” — the days we put romance novels to shame.

Of everything I’ve read, talking about it seems to be the most common thread of advice.

There are ways to overcome these problems, but they take a level of honesty that some people might find embarrassing.  However, it is much better to be open than to lose your

Communication is the key to bedroom bliss throughout your marriage.- Dr. Ruth

Sometimes I like to be completely candid and bring it up as though I were talking about the weather during say, breakfast, or a phone call where it would otherwise have no place.

“Hey babe. So, we don’t need any onions right?

Because we still have…the one… yeah, okay.

Well, I’m on my way. Also, did you maybe want to be naked when I got there?

Okay, sounds good. See you in a bit.”

Or maybe just in passing:

“What were you thinking about eating for dinner tonight…

I was thinking maybe (enter name you give your privates)”

I’ll spare you my blunt and awkward reply. I don’t know all of you well enough yet, and I want you to still like me.

The next most common advice I’ve read to bettering your sex life is to prioritize it. Schedule it. Write reminders on sticky notes. Put it on your Google calendars. Just make it happen.

Sex is something you have to make time for and the sooner you get in the habit of it, the more you’ll start wanting it.-The

My favorite, however, is from Dr. Laura Burman who suggests kissing for at least 10 seconds everyday. Sounds cheesy, I know, but I promise it works.


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