A Little Off the Top

(Continued…) an article from knot.com, 7 Relationship Mistakes Even the Smartest Couples Make, provides us with the seven most common blunders we make once we are married or become settled in our relationships.

Mistake #4: Letting Yourself Go

A study finds that women are more apt to pile on excess pounds after marriage, while men add the weight after a divorce.                  —USATODAY.com

The fluctuating weight of women is an ongoing lifelong battle that will always be a part of our lives. It’s a fact that the body fat percentage in women is always higher than in men. It’s part of evolution. We have hips, we have bellies, we have boobs–not all in that order. All most likely to carry a larger percent of fat so we can provide a nice comfortable home for our babies. Sometimes the home is a studio apartment, sometimes it’s a mansion.

An article from Cosmopolitan, How to Keep Off Post-Wedding Pudge, found that it’s common for women to gain weight in the first five years of marriage. One study claims new wives gain an average of 21 pounds in the first year. (Awesome! It’s freshman year of college all over again.)

I did some research to find the most common reasons for weight gain among newlyweds.

1. How the bride goes about losing weight before her wedding, may in fact, be the reason for more weight gain after.

With all of the diet options, brides are often choosing the quickest ways to lose the pounds. The result to the unhealthy quick fix is an inevitable weight gain. Nutritionist, Natalie Rosenstock, suggests hitting the gym as a way to lose the weight before the wedding, making exercise a habit and keeping the weight off longer.

2. Newlyweds tend to spend more time with their partners after marriage than before when they were busy planning their weddings, getting in shape and working.

Psychologist, Michelle Gannon, says, “Balancing ‘we’ time with ‘me’ time is a challenge for most newlyweds, especially women, who tend to prioritize their relationships over themselves. They are often likely to sacrifice exercise for hanging out with their spouse.”

3. Women try to keep up with their spouse’s eating habits.

It is a known thing, men just eat a lot, often without it showing up on their hips first thing the next morning. An article from fitnessmagazine.com, Happily Ever Fatter, How to Avoid Post Wedding Gain, says, “The average active man needs up to 3,000 calories a day, compared with an active woman’s 2,200, and his metabolism is 10 to 15 percent faster, which means he can put away bigger portions and not gain an ounce.”

So, what can we do about it? First, we can start by watching our portions. One article suggests dishing yourself first and ordering before your spouse in a restaurant. (That way you don’t hear that he’s getting the Mucho Nachos to go along with his rack of ribs and mash potatoes and think, Hmm, I was going to get a salad, but that sounds good, “We’ll have two.”)  And secondly, make time to go for a walk or morning run, hit the gym or get a personal trainer. The knot.com even suggests getting fit together.

However, if you are like me, who trains for a triathlon while your boyfriend does nothing, and then one day decides to “join you for a run,” only to kick your ass so badly you feel like punching him in the face when you finally finish, then “getting fit together” might not be your answer.

This is how I pictured our run together was going to be. (Except we were on a sidewalk, and we had clothes on.) But, that’s the only difference.

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Bringing Sexy Back

(Continued…) an article from knot.com, 7 Relationship Mistakes Even the Smartest Couples Make, provides us with the seven most common blunders we make once we are married or become settled in our relationships.

Mistake # 3: Not Having Enough Sex

The knot.com says 60% of newlyweds surveyed were already in a sex rut. However, the more research I did the more I found it to be practically inevitable and it’s not as bad as you think it is.  According to sexual health expert, Dr. Laura Berman, newlyweds may feel that their sex lives have slowed down, but they are still having more sex than single people and the sex is more varied. (Something to keep in mind when you start daydreaming of greener pastures. Were you really having that much sex when you were single?  Was it really that great? Really?)

The Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University compiled statistics from 5,865 people. “An average of 61 percent of singles claimed they hadn’t had sex within the past year, compared with 18 percent of married people.”

So, not all is lost. This could be a good opportunity to challenge yourself…think outside the box. (Still considering the ‘box’ of course.) Two things we are not supposed to do: think that we are the only ones going through it and compare ourselves to other couples.

I remember when my friend, Cara, was just starting a relationship. She and her boyfriend couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. I told her to enjoy it because it’s almost impossible to keep things going at that rate. She didn’t believe me, “I think it’s just how we are.” All I could do was smile and quietly nod as though I knew something she didn’t — like she was my little girl and she was going to have to go through puberty, but she didn’t think it would happen to her. It’s just a natural progression. Now, Cara and I joke about our sex lives and reminisce about “the way we were” — the days we put romance novels to shame.

Of everything I’ve read, talking about it seems to be the most common thread of advice.

There are ways to overcome these problems, but they take a level of honesty that some people might find embarrassing.  However, it is much better to be open than to lose your happiness.newlywedforums.com

Communication is the key to bedroom bliss throughout your marriage.- Dr. Ruth

Sometimes I like to be completely candid and bring it up as though I were talking about the weather during say, breakfast, or a phone call where it would otherwise have no place.

“Hey babe. So, we don’t need any onions right?

Because we still have…the one… yeah, okay.

Well, I’m on my way. Also, did you maybe want to be naked when I got there?

Okay, sounds good. See you in a bit.”

Or maybe just in passing:

“What were you thinking about eating for dinner tonight…

I was thinking maybe (enter name you give your privates)”

I’ll spare you my blunt and awkward reply. I don’t know all of you well enough yet, and I want you to still like me.

The next most common advice I’ve read to bettering your sex life is to prioritize it. Schedule it. Write reminders on sticky notes. Put it on your Google calendars. Just make it happen.

Sex is something you have to make time for and the sooner you get in the habit of it, the more you’ll start wanting it.-The knot.com

My favorite, however, is from Dr. Laura Burman who suggests kissing for at least 10 seconds everyday. Sounds cheesy, I know, but I promise it works.

Mistake #2- Not Enough Bloodies and Mimosas.

(Continued…) an article from knot.com, 7 Relationship Mistakes Even the Smartest Couples Make, provides us with the seven most common blunders we make once we are married or become settled in our relationships.

Mistake #2: Alienating Your Friends: 

We all know which of us or our friends are guilty of this. Growing up, my mom always drilled in me how important my girlfriends were. So, I was always trying to avoid this mistake. It takes work and it’s not always what you want to be doing. Especially, when you are in the beginning of a new relationship. Now, there is a certain amount of leeway for the “honeymoon phase” but then, yous best be gettin’ your butt back in gear!

In her book, MWF Seeking BFF, Rachel Bertsche says, “Friends can have effects on depression, self-efficacy, self-esteem coping and morale, or a sense of personal control.” I’m not sure if I’ll ever have a “sense of personal control” but the rest of this sounds good.

When you meet a guy, everybody gets it, you are in love–sometimes in the most annoying way. You should start sending thank you notes to your friends after you read this for even putting up with your sappy-ass self during this time anyway.

Dear (enter name)

Thanks for listening to me and putting up with my stories about how amazing _____ is and the funniest thing he said, and the cutest text he sent and the way he looked at me that one time, and then those times I said them again to just reiterate my point of how great he is. And sorry, for all those times I was supposed to be listening when I was really still just listening to myself…in my head, as the picture of him and I ripping each others clothes off was running on a loop over and over again like the Menu Page of a DVD. So weird that while your sex life has been in a lull lately, mine has suddenly become so amazing that I can’t stop talking about it! Don’t worry, you’ll be fine! Love you, me.

P.S. Thanks for making my immune system stronger and my blood pressure lower. You basically contribute to saving my life on a daily basis.

“The power of girlfriends is beginning to yield its secrets to science. For women, friendship not only rules, it protects. It buffers the hardships of life’s transitions, lowers blood pressure, boosts immunity and promotes healing. It might help explain why women, on average, have lower rates of heart disease and longer life expectancies than men.”- Science Confirms that Women Reap Health Benefits from Friendships.

What’s just as important as our health? Our personalities. According to Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Break-Up with Your Best Friend. Our girlfriends shape us as people. “Our female friends provide virtual mirrors that allow us to see who we are and whom we want to become.”

The sooner we catch on the the importance of other strong, supportive women in our lives, the better our relationships with ourselves and our men or partners will be. So start making those plans for Sunday Brunch and get back on the Bloody Mary and Bottomless Mimosas’ bandwagon.

 

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