A Little Off the Top

(Continued…) an article from knot.com, 7 Relationship Mistakes Even the Smartest Couples Make, provides us with the seven most common blunders we make once we are married or become settled in our relationships.

Mistake #4: Letting Yourself Go

A study finds that women are more apt to pile on excess pounds after marriage, while men add the weight after a divorce.                  —USATODAY.com

The fluctuating weight of women is an ongoing lifelong battle that will always be a part of our lives. It’s a fact that the body fat percentage in women is always higher than in men. It’s part of evolution. We have hips, we have bellies, we have boobs–not all in that order. All most likely to carry a larger percent of fat so we can provide a nice comfortable home for our babies. Sometimes the home is a studio apartment, sometimes it’s a mansion.

An article from Cosmopolitan, How to Keep Off Post-Wedding Pudge, found that it’s common for women to gain weight in the first five years of marriage. One study claims new wives gain an average of 21 pounds in the first year. (Awesome! It’s freshman year of college all over again.)

I did some research to find the most common reasons for weight gain among newlyweds.

1. How the bride goes about losing weight before her wedding, may in fact, be the reason for more weight gain after.

With all of the diet options, brides are often choosing the quickest ways to lose the pounds. The result to the unhealthy quick fix is an inevitable weight gain. Nutritionist, Natalie Rosenstock, suggests hitting the gym as a way to lose the weight before the wedding, making exercise a habit and keeping the weight off longer.

2. Newlyweds tend to spend more time with their partners after marriage than before when they were busy planning their weddings, getting in shape and working.

Psychologist, Michelle Gannon, says, “Balancing ‘we’ time with ‘me’ time is a challenge for most newlyweds, especially women, who tend to prioritize their relationships over themselves. They are often likely to sacrifice exercise for hanging out with their spouse.”

3. Women try to keep up with their spouse’s eating habits.

It is a known thing, men just eat a lot, often without it showing up on their hips first thing the next morning. An article from fitnessmagazine.com, Happily Ever Fatter, How to Avoid Post Wedding Gain, says, “The average active man needs up to 3,000 calories a day, compared with an active woman’s 2,200, and his metabolism is 10 to 15 percent faster, which means he can put away bigger portions and not gain an ounce.”

So, what can we do about it? First, we can start by watching our portions. One article suggests dishing yourself first and ordering before your spouse in a restaurant. (That way you don’t hear that he’s getting the Mucho Nachos to go along with his rack of ribs and mash potatoes and think, Hmm, I was going to get a salad, but that sounds good, “We’ll have two.”)  And secondly, make time to go for a walk or morning run, hit the gym or get a personal trainer. The knot.com even suggests getting fit together.

However, if you are like me, who trains for a triathlon while your boyfriend does nothing, and then one day decides to “join you for a run,” only to kick your ass so badly you feel like punching him in the face when you finally finish, then “getting fit together” might not be your answer.

This is how I pictured our run together was going to be. (Except we were on a sidewalk, and we had clothes on.) But, that’s the only difference.

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There Ain’t no Shame or Blame in that Game.

In Marie Claire’s August issue, there is an article titled, “The Secret to Having more Sex,” that claims you can have more sex if you visualize it. Researchers at Dartmouth University ran tests on 48 women while they looked at pictures of food, animals, nature and people having sex. The portions of the brain that causes pleasure, the nucleus accumbens, had greater activity  in those who responded well to the to the sexual imagery. The women with the higher responses had more sex the following six months. This brings me to the obvious conclusion: women could have more sex if they allowed porn to be in their lives.

First of all, it’s no secret Fifty Shades of Grey is known for it’s racy material. According to Wikipedia, “It is notable for it’s explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism,masochism.” The series has sold 40 million copies worldwide. It has become the best-selling book in Britain surpassing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows with 5.3 million copies. According to hypable.com, Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy has outsold Harry Potter sales overall in Amazon’s UK store. I think there’s a void that needs to be filled here people. I have yet to read the book, but haven’t ruled it out.

Also, it’s obvious why the Twilight movies have such a huge following among, yes tweens, but also, women of all ages. It all started with Jacob removing his shirt and not putting it back on… for the rest of the series.

If the Dartmouth University study is true, maybe that’s why the sales of these items are so high. It’s our acceptable version of porn and perhaps, if we embraced these images more often, our sex lives would be, well, enhanced.

In O, The Oprah Magazine, an article by Rachel Bertsche, written back in July of ’07, focuses on adult films for women. “We asked porn reviewer Violet Blue to recommend a starter kit of quality adult films.” Here is the list of suggestions:

  • Cult Epic’s Vintage Erotica Series: takes place in 1920’s, pre-plastic surgery. Heads-up, some of the action is a little more “hardcore”.
  • Chemistry: Actors who live together for a period of time are filmed. Shot like a reality series.
  • The Bi Apple: sex blogger, Audacia Ray, directs a film about one woman’s journey of discovering her bi-sexuality.

Also, in Women’s Health is an article titled, “Chick Flicks,” shows several adult films that are female friendly. Here are some of their suggestions.

  • Pornstar Workout: a music video inspired film with yoga, pilates, aerobics and sex.
  • The Opening of Mist Beethoven: a combination of song, dance and sex shot on location in both Italy and New York.
  • This Ain’t Star Trek XXX:perhaps you could ask your man if he wants to watch Stark Trek and throw this number in instead. The whole crew is there, but this time it’s a different type of galaxy being explored.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there is some really bad porn out there. I have an older brother whose friends brought it over to our house and every time, I’d come downstairs my brother would make his friends pause it (because he didn’t want his little sister to see it). Well, thanks for the protection big bro. but we were only a year apart, I was a Junior in High School and pausing it, really only made it worse.

(FYI, if you decide to give it a go and watch a film, don’t hit pause if someone comes into the room and you don’t want them to know what you are watching. It backfires big time.)

Kama Sutra drawing

There is a lot of shame for women to admit they would watch a porn but, the industry is as old as time.People have been looking at images of humans engaged in sex since we’ve been able to communicate through drawings. There are pictures on cave walls of stick figures in different sexual positions. Kama Sutra, for example is an ancient Indian Hindu text on human sexual behavior. Historians believe it to be composed between 400 BCE and 200 CE. It’s really a natural part of our human existence. The sooner we can laugh it off or even possibly allow ourselves to explore it, the sooner we may shake another side of sex that’s tied to shame. (I’m also, only talking to women here.)

I’m assuming these aren’t in the four star category, but I couldn’t resist. Here is my list of, Best Titles:

  • A Clear and Present Stranger
  • Add Mamma to the Train
  • Driving Miss Daisy Crazy
  • Forrest Hump
  • For Your Ass Only
  • I Know Who You Did Last Summer
  • Men in Back
  • Romancing the Bone
  • Saturday Night Beaver

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